Become Aware of When Your Inner Naysayer Pops Up (DAY #13 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF LOVE SERIES)

Good morning beautiful!

Can you believe we are almost two weeks in? If you have missed any posts in this series so far, I recommend you go back and read them in order. There is so much valuable information to help you become your best self and stop your inner naysayer that you don’t want to miss out.

Yesterday, I talked about how to embrace self-love without becoming a narcissist or even fear of becoming a narcissist and today I am going to dive a little deeper on how you can become aware of when your inner naysayer pipes up in your head.

Recognizing and becoming aware of your inner naysayer can be tremendously difficult. This is especially true because you’ve probably been living with it for as long as you can remember. That little voice that tells you all sorts of negative things about yourself and your abilities is there to act as a defense mechanism. You may even think it’s protecting you. Unfortunately, what it usually ends up doing is holding you back.

You can take positive steps to manage that voice and overcome its effects if you don’t recognize it when it pipes up. That’s why today’s post is going to tackle that topic and give you concrete strategies to become aware of when your inner naysayer pops up. Check them out.

Challenge Your Thoughts

When you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself or your abilities, try to challenge that thought immediately. Ask yourself if it’s entirely true. Identify which parts may not be true. Then, try to counter it with a more realistic and accurate message. This can be quite challenging at first, but it will begin to be automatic after significant practice.

Let It Go

When you do notice your inner critic nagging at you, acknowledge it, reframe the message into something more positive, and then let it go. Try not to obsess over the untruths your naysayer is telling you. This is called rumination, and it can keep you in a pattern of negativity. It’s hard to move to a place of self-love when you’re stuck in a cycle of worry.

Consider the Worst-Case Scenario

What if your naysayer is telling you the truth, and the worst should happen? Sometimes, letting that scenario play out in your head can actually show you that you don’t have that much to lose, after all. That thing you fear might not be so bad in reality. Therefore, you shouldn’t let the idea of it scare you away from trying something new or going after what you want. You no longer need to worry about what others think or if something won’t turn out well when you realize the worst-case scenario really isn’t that terrible.

Accept Your Flaws

While it’s good to analyze negative messages and refute them, it’s also okay to recognize your flaws. None of us is perfect. When you are strong enough to admit there are things you could work on or improve upon, you’re demonstrating self-love. it can be hard to face our own difficulties. Knowing you have flaws and looking for ways to improve upon them shows emotional intelligence and courage. Embrace your weakness and strive for self-improvement on a regular basis.

Give these strategies a shot in order to be aware of and manage your inner naysayer. You’ll find it’s not so hard once you get the hang of it, and you’ll feel so much better once you master this skill.

Join a community of women want to support on your self-love journey at HBSQUAD.com and tomorrow I am giving you all the details on how self-love can improve stress and anxiety.

XOXO,

Ashley

Embrace Self-Love Without Becoming a Narcissist (DAY #12 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF LOVE SERIES)

Hey Beautiful!

You may still feel unsure about the idea of self-love, especially if you’ve been taught your whole life to put others ahead of yourself and that it’s selfish to take care of yourself. Hopefully, you’re beginning to see now that self-care is an important part of developing as a healthy person. Valuing yourself is not the same as narcissism. In this post, you’ll discover what it means to be a narcissist and the ways in which self-love is different. Take a look.

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What is a Narcissist?

A narcissist takes loving themselves to the extreme. They take this exclusion of others to the extent that they actually tend to lack empathy. Narcissists tend to compare themselves to other people, always needing to be considered better. If they don’t feel they excel in comparison, they often become angry. Not only are they concerned with being better than others, they also must keep up appearances. They are worried that those around them won’t see them as a stellar employee, caring spouse, or a good friend. They’re more worried about how they look in playing the role rather than how they actually perform it and how they treat others. They also want the people around them to validate how wonderful they are. They enjoy heaps of praise for their performance. They also look to status symbols for their worth – such as fancy cars, impressive titles, and expensive jewelry. In addition, the narcissist usually sees things as black or white. They love you or they hate you. The underlying reasons for all these traits is that they don’t hold themselves in high regard..

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Why Self-Love is Different

Self-love differs from narcissism because the individual who loves themselves actually has positive feelings about their worth as a person. Their actions are driven by the fact that they have compassion for themselves and care about others. Self-love without narcissism involves thinking highly of yourself without needing to feel better than others. It is concerned with doing well for the sake of the end result, not simply to look good. When you genuinely love yourself, you also want to do right by others, and you aren’t interested merely in how you come across. Your actions aren’t driven by deep-seated insecurity and self-loathing.

Why It Matters

It’s important to understand the difference between self-love and narcissism if you want to fully embrace self-love without second guessing yourself. The fact that you’re concerned with being self-centered matters. This shows that you are concerned with being a good person and with your effect on the people around you. This fact usually indicates that you don’t have to worry about becoming a narcissist. 

If you’re worried as you continue your self-love journey, take time to review this article. Look at yourself and your actions to determine your motivations for viewing yourself highly. This type of assessment can help you to stay on track toward practicing healthy self-love.

Join the conversation in my HB Squad Group and tomorrow I will be discussing how important becoming aware of your inner naysayer is.

XOXO,

Ashley

How to recognize when your inner naysayer pops up (DAY #10 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF LOVE SERIES)

Hi beautiful! We are 1/3 of the way through this series today! 20 Days left! How are you feeling? Tweet me and let me know.

Yesterday, I gave you ways to tell if you should listen to your inner naysayer and today I am going to give you some tips on how to recognize when your inner naysayer shows up.

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As you’ve discovered in our time together, your inner naysayer can present itself in several ways. Often, it shows up as a negative voice that keeps you from moving toward your goals or trying something new. Sometimes, though, it can be helpful and clue you in that something isn’t quite right. Regardless, your inner naysayer is usually trying to protect you in some way. What’s most important is acting in a positive and proactive way when you receive these internal messages, whether they’re useful or detrimental. In order to take action that benefits you, you’ll first need to recognize your inner naysayer when it pipes up. Keep reading to learn how to do just that.

Why You Need to Recognize Your Inner Naysayer

Chances are you’ve been living with your inner naysayer for as long as you can remember. That means it’s likely that you are so used to hearing it in your head that you probably don’t even notice it. That’s bad news. If you don’t recognize your inner critic, you can’t deal with it. Without recognizing it and addressing it, you’re simply reacting to it – acting on autopilot. Giving in to your reactions or acting in habitual ways can be harmful because you’re not fully in charge when that happens. Instead, your negative emotions are guiding you. You’re not making an informed decision. Therefore, you probably won’t achieve the results you truly desire. In order to take purposeful action and take control of your life, you need to recognize and deal with your inner naysayer.

How to Recognize Your Inner Naysayer

Your inner naysayer can be sneaky. It usually comes around when you’re about to do something important, so keep that in mind. When something is good for your growth, but perhaps a bit out of your comfort zone, your inner critic might pipe up to keep you from taking that risk. It also might come around when you’re feeling fearful or unsure. It also likes to rear its head when you really want something.

Pay attention and listen for messages like these in order to recognize your inner naysayer:

• I don’t deserve good things.
• I’ll mess it up.
• It’s too hard.
• I’m too old.
• I’m not smart enough.
• Good things never happen for me.
• It’s selfish to want that.
• I don’t have what it takes.
• I’m not that talented.
• Someone else is better than me.
• I’m no good at that.
• I’m too fat.
• I’m not pretty enough.

Self-doubt is frequently connected to these types of messages. While it’s normal to wonder if you have what it takes to achieve something new, these types of messages can truly sabotage your success.

Steps to Manage Your Inner Naysayer

There are ways to manage your inner naysayer. Take note of the types of messages you tell yourself most often. Then watch for what triggers those messages. Recognizing those triggers can help you to take control of the situation instead of giving into the negative self-talk. It’s also helpful to try to figure out where these messages came from. Others may have told you things in the past, and you’ve internalized these beliefs as your own. Knowing how you developed these thoughts will help you to look at them more realistically. Finally, once you have a realistic handle on these words, turn them around into something more positive. Tell yourself a message that is based in reality and that encourages you, rather than discourages you.

Your inner naysayer has been around for a long time, but it doesn’t have to be in charge of you. It is possible to overcome its negative effects. With practice, you’ll soon be able to recognize your inner naysayer and manage its messages.

Join the conversation at hbsquad.com and connect with me on Twitter. Tomorrow is a very important day in this series as I will be giving you ways to practice self-love daily…See you then!

XOXO,

Ashley

SHould you listen to or ignore your inner naysayer? (DAY #9 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF LOVE SERIES)

We are almost 10 days in which means we are almost 1/3 done this series and I hope you are learning a lot about yourself and are focusing on growing as a woman as each day passes. Yesterday, I talked about how important it is to realize that YOU ARE NOT A LABEL. Today, I am going to begin the conversation around that negative little voice in your head and whether or not you should be listening…

No matter how much you’ve internalized the concept of self-love, you probably still have an inner naysayer nagging at you. That inner voice that is constantly giving us messages is there for nearly everyone. Your inner naysayer can often be quite a pest, telling you all sorts of negative things that hurt your self-esteem and make you second-guess yourself. But sometimes that voice can be useful. Let’s take a look at when you should listen to your inner naysayer and when you should ignore it.

About Your Inner Naysayer

Your inner naysayer can be due to a lot of different things. Regardless of its purpose, it’s your inner voice that is trying to tell you something or guide you. The name “naysayer” implies negativity. Therefore, the things this voice has to say are usually negative in nature. Each person’s inner naysayer is unique. The messages they give are based upon your own individual life experience and personality. Your inner naysayer is trying to protect you in most cases, even if that protection ends up hindering you or limiting you in some way.

When to Listen

Sometimes you should take heed when you hear your inner naysayer giving you a message. In order to know whether the message is helpful or not, it’s important to take time to dissect it. Ask yourself some questions. Is it realistic? Is it helpful? Is it true? If the answer to these questions is yes, you should listen. For example, you may want to go on a date with someone new, but you keep having nagging thoughts telling you to stay home. Sit quietly and think about the reasons your inner voice is telling you not to go out with this person. If you see red flags or feel this person isn’t being truthful, listen to your gut. It’s there to protect you physically and emotionally.

When Not to Listen

Often times, we let negative messages that others have given us stick with us through life. We may internalize them as our own and adopt them as self-defeating beliefs. Let’s explore the above date scenario further. Your inner naysayer is telling you not to go out with your potential date. Why is it saying that? If it’s because you’re not attractive enough or smart enough for them, that’s likely insecurity talking. Go on the date and give it a shot. Don’t let your insecurities win out.

Your inner naysayer is usually there to protect you. Perhaps it’s acting as a defense mechanism and repeating insecurities you’ve internalized about yourself. Maybe it’s a warning from your gut reminding you to heed red flags. Take time to listen to your inner naysayer before deciding how to act. You’ll know whether to give in or not.

If you are loving this series, let me know. Connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, & Instagram and join our community of amazing women at hbsquad.com. Tomorrow is day 10 and I will help you recognize when your naysayer pops up in your head.

You are so much more than labels (DAY #8 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF LOVE SERIES)

Yesterday on Day 7, I talked about how self-love and confidence are connected and why it is important to build your confidence daily. Today, I want to talk about something that affects us in our society today that we may not even be consciously aware of. Labels.

Labels are all-encompassing. We use them to describe and identify both ourselves and others. Labels are even applied by people who don’t know each other. However, it’s often the labels we give ourselves or the ones applied by those closest to us that have the biggest impact. Some labels are hurtful and may seem inescapable. Labels can be helpful in helping to provide a basic understanding of roles or identities. One problem with labels, however, is that we can sometimes fail to see beyond them. Continue reading for a more in-depth look at labels and why it’s important to remember that you’re so much more than what they convey.

What’s in a Label?

We’re given labels in various aspects of our lives. You probably use one to define your career or job title. Maybe you’re a parent and go by “mom” or “dad.” There are labels to define race and ethnicity. Ones that point to certain characteristics are common. You’ve been using labels practically since you were born. Some of these may make you feel good. Others are hurtful. Many labels are assigned to us by others. Some we place on ourselves.

Labels Can Be Limiting

Labels don’t define who you are as a person, though. They don’t tell who you are or who you desire to be. Using and accepting labels can be limiting. Perhaps you were told as a young child that you were lazy. You could go through your own life limiting your potential because you’ve become convinced you don’t have the ambition to go after your dreams. Even positive or neutral labels can place limits on you. For instance, many mothers feel that the label of “mom” means they have to leave a part of themselves behind and focus solely on meeting the needs of their children. This causes them to abandon their own interests and lose a large part of their identities.

How to Move Beyond the Labels

It’s important to remember that you can move beyond these labels. That’s where self-love comes in. When you see yourself as valuable and worthwhile, you’ll feel more confident in defining your own labels. Breaking through labels requires self-awareness, acceptance, and belief in your abilities. You can create your own new identity separate from any of the labels you’ve been given. You simply need to decide what it is you want to be known for and start living with this image in mind. Don’t hesitate to correct anyone who mislabels you in a way that makes you feel negative or uncomfortable.

Labels are a part of life, but they don’t define who you are inside. Break out of the box and claim your own identity. Creating your own labels will lead to increased self-love and confidence.

If you are looking for a community of women who want to support and encourage you on your self-love and purpose walk, visit hbsquad.com and tomorrow we begin talking about your inner naysayer.

XOXO,

Ashley

The Connection Between Self-Love & Confidence (DAY #7 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF LOVE SERIES)

In yesterday’s post, I discussed ways that obtaining a sense of purpose can lead to greater confidence. Understanding your priorities and what matters most to you in life can help you to feel more secure in yourself. Confidence is an important component of self-love. If you don’t believe in yourself and your worth, it’s hard to love yourself. That’s why I’d like to explore the connection between self-love and confidence in today’s post.

About Self-Love

Self-love, as we’ve discussed, is having positive regard for yourself. It’s being able to put yourself first and feeling that you deserve just as much compassion as the people you care about. Self-love is the belief that your own happiness can take priority and that you aren’t selfish for taking care of you. Taking care of your own needs and refusing to settle for less than you deserve is also part of self-love. You aren’t a narcissist, and you aren’t self-centered for loving yourself. Just the opposite, in fact. Having positive self-regard is healthy and essential for being an emotionally intelligent person.

About Confidence

Confidence is simply believing in yourself. It’s the understanding that you are a capable human being and that you can manage regular daily occurrences or challenges you encounter. It also involves transferring those beliefs into actions that reflect how you feel and demonstrate your capabilities. You don’t want to overestimate your abilities however, as this could cause you to come across as arrogant or could affect the quality of your work.

The Self-Love/Confidence Connection

Self-love and confidence are definitely connected. There is likely a circular relationship between them. When you love yourself and have positive self-regard, you’re more likely to be confident. That’s because you have a healthy view of yourself and honestly feel you possess value. When you feel worthwhile, why wouldn’t you have faith in your abilities? You know you’re a person worthy of care and deserving of good things. You should be confident you can achieve such things. Likewise, when you’re confident, you are demonstrating your positive regard for yourself. You are confident in the belief that you’re capable of achieving the things you desire because you also feel you are worthy. These two concepts are closely tied together.

As you can see, confidence plays a strong role in self-love. In fact, they’re both closely related. That’s why it’s important to build your confidence regularly in order to strengthen your feelings of worthiness.

Join a group of women who want to support you on your journey at http://www.hbsquad.com and don’t miss tomorrow where I will talk about the destructive nature of labels in our lives.

XOXO,

Ashley

Clarity of purpose Breeds Confidence (DAY #6 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF LOVE SERIES)

Hi beautiful!

If you missed yesterday’s post, I gave you the deets on how being more self-aware can help you feel better about yourself. Today, you will learn how having a clearly defined purpose can be a huge confidence booster.

Having a strong sense of self is imperative to loving yourself. As noted in yesterday’s post, self-awareness helps you to better understand yourself and what drives your behavior. This understanding helps you to be more compassionate with yourself when times are tough. Similarly, having a strong sense of purpose can help to solidify your self-love. When you know what you want to do with your life, it’s easier to recognize your own value and to feel more love for yourself. Getting clear about your purpose can help boost your confidence. Read on to learn how it works. 

What is Purpose?

Purpose can have a wide array of definitions. For this post, consider your purpose to be your “why.” For example, why do you do what you do? What is the underlying motivation you have for working, playing, relating to others, etc.? If you don’t know the answer to this, it’s time to start giving it some thought. Take notes on these questions and look for patterns of what drives you. Knowing your strongest motivation or purpose in life is important to a number of things, including your success, happiness, and self-confidence.

The Connection Between Purpose and Confidence

When you understand what’s most important to you in life, you can then take proactive actions based on those priorities. Living in accordance with your purpose will lead you to feel better about yourself because you know you’re making decisions that are in line with your values and that you’re making strides toward doing the things that will help you to reach your goals. When you have purpose in your life, you have taken steps to declare what’s important to you and what matters most. That can be quite empowering, also leading to increased self-esteem. You’re living on your own terms, not ones determined by outside forces.

How to Develop Your Sense of Purpose

Developing your sense of purpose and discovering just what that is can be the tricky part. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to move that process along. Taking stock of what matters most to you and your priorities in life is a good start. As noted earlier, you can make a list of these things and look for patterns to guide your next steps. It’s also helpful to get out there and try new things. The more experiences and people you expose yourself to, the more likely you are to find something that speaks to you, aligns with your values, and influences your future decisions. If you’re not sure what you want to try, start with things that interest you or that you’ve considered trying in the past, then go from there. Keep in mind that you don’t have to settle for just one purpose. There could be multiple things that sustain your interest and push you forward each and every day.

This is just a short summary of what purpose is and how it contributes to confidence. Give the suggestions above a try and start seeking your own life’s purpose. Soon, you’ll find yourself living a life you love.

If you would like to join a group of purpose-driven women who are ready to support you on your journey, visit HBSquad.com. Tomorrow, I am showing you the powerful connection between confidence and self-love and believe me, you don’t want to miss it!

XOXO,

Ashley

HOW BEING MORE SELF-AWARE CAN HELP YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF (DAY #5 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF-LOVE SERIES)

Good morning beautiful!

Today is Day 5 of the Stop You Inner Naysayer series. Yesterday, I gave you three hacks to help you feel better about yourself and I hope they resonated with you and and you are implementing them in your life daily. Now, lets talk about what being self-aware really means and how it plays a huge part in every aspect of your life.

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Emotions can wreak havoc on various aspects of life. All sorts of feelings, both positive and negative, likely play a role in how you behave and the choices you make. Understanding your own feelings and reactions can go far toward helping you to take control of your actions and to be happier with yourself overall. Having a handle on your emotions and knowing your triggers are important components of self-awareness. This trait is handy in boosting your level of self-love and general happiness. Let’s explore how becoming more self-aware can help you feel better about yourself.

About Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is recognizing and understanding your various emotional states. Knowing how you’re feeling, being able to put a name to it, and understanding the ways in which it impacts you are crucial to be a healthy person. This type of understanding gives you great insight into your yourself and helps to guide your behavior. Far too often, we find ourselves living on autopilot. We allow our emotions to control us, reacting when something triggers us. Becoming self-aware allows us to act purposefully and to make decisions based on the situation at hand, rather than letting our feelings and instincts lead us.

Why It Matters

There are a lot of reasons why self-awareness matters. Knowing yourself can positively impact your life in so many ways. When you have a handle on your emotional state, you can better manage other aspects of life. You’ll notice you make more strategic decisions, instead of just acting on impulse. Your relationships with others will likely improve once you become aware of your emotional triggers and understand them better. Along this line of reasoning, it only makes sense that your relationship with yourself will also become healthier. You can love and forgive yourself more readily when you’re aware of the reasoning behind your deepest feelings and the behaviors that are caused by them.

Steps to Become More Self-Aware

There are some steps you can take to become more self-aware. One thing to know before embarking on this process is that self-awareness can often require brutal honesty. Taking a hard look at yourself and admitting what’s behind your feelings can be difficult, but the effort is well worth it. In order to become truly self-aware, you’ll need to be curious and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Looking beyond the obvious in order to discover what lies beneath is a necessary part of this process. It requires you to open yourself up to the potential of facing difficult emotions and finding ways to deal with them. If you’re having trouble identifying traits and patterns relevant to yourself, ask others you trust for input. This knowledge can provide important perspective on self-understanding.

Becoming more self-aware is a process. It won’t happen overnight. However, this time you invest in understanding your feelings and emotional responses will go far toward improving many aspects of your life. As a result, you’ll be in a better position to feel good about yourself and embrace self-love.

If you would like a group of supportive sister-friends, visit hbsquad.com. ready because tomorrow I am talking about getting clear about your purpose and how that can improve your confidence.

XOXO,

Ashley

Ashley’s Continued Education Journey Begins

This is new decade and you will get tired of me saying that it is time to stop making excuses and play full out in your life. This is one major goal in my life that I am committed to achieving and I am taking you along for the ride.

Always be open to learning new things…I learned that early on in business. Some people think they know it all and those people won’t get very far. There is always more knowledge to gain and new processes or technologies to immerse yourself in.

In this series of blog posts, I will be giving you the scoop of my commitment to complete at least 25 continued education sessions or courses in 2020 to learn and grow. What I recommend to my students and clients is what I am doing in my own life as well. I will review each platform or course to help you decide if you would like to go on this journey with me.

Also, if their are courses or certificate programs that you recommend to female entrepreneurs, let me know in the comments and I will look into them and possibly try them out.

Lets get this show on the road and I will see you as I start my first lesson soon…

XOXO,

Ashley

3 Simple Hacks to Help You Feel Better About Yourself Today (DAY #4 OF STOP YOUR INNER NAYSAYER WITH SELF LOVE SERIES)

Hi Beautiful!

Yesterday, I shared that self-love doesn’t have a definite definition and it is different for each person. I hope you have taken the time to define what what it means to you. Today, I am going to be giving you three hacks to help boost your self-love right now.

Self-love is a journey. It doesn’t come easily or quickly for most of us. Learning to love, care for, and respect ourselves takes time and dedication. It’s a process that comes with ups and downs. You’ll have some rough days, and you’ll want to throw in the towel. After all, many of our negative beliefs and habits have been ingrained in us throughout our whole lives. It will take time and practice to overcome these habits and start treating yourself with love. However, there are some simple hacks you can do to get started on the right foot and start feeling better about yourself today. Check them out.

Treat Yourself Like a Friend

One quick way to begin to show yourself some love is to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend or loved one. If you catch yourself repeating negative messages or putting yourself down, take time to consider whether you’d talk to someone you care about in such a manner. If not, you definitely shouldn’t be treating yourself with such disdain. After all, a core component of self-love is self-care. Caring about yourself isn’t selfish. It shows that you understand your worth and that you value who you are as a person. Try to take note when you start spouting negative self-talk. Then change it around to something more positive. Treat yourself with as much compassion as you would treat a friend.

Understand Your Triggers

We all have triggers that can elicit a reflexive reaction in us. When you find yourself feeling irritable, annoyed, hurt, or angry by something someone says or does, take time to consider why it is you’re feeling that way. This type of insight and self-awareness can truly help you to be more understanding and nurturing with yourself. It can also provide the knowledge you need to push past those triggers and to feel more at ease with yourself

Look Outside Yourself

It may sound counterintuitive but looking outside yourself at ways you can help others is a fantastic way to help yourself feel better. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and to wallow in our own problems. In fact, it’s only human to do so. However, you can break out of such negative patterns by proactively looking for ways you can make a difference to someone else. Even the smallest steps can help. For example, taking time to listen to a friend’s problem can help you to feel more connected to them and to feel proud that you were able to be there for them. It can also help to put some of your own life’s issues into perspective. Find ways to look outside yourself if you find you need a quick pick-me-up.

Keep these tips in mind to help you feel better about yourself when you’re in a funk. These simple things can help put you on the fast track to self-love.

You are beautiful and you are enough.

Join the conversation in the HB Squad Group and stay tuned for tomorrow where I talk about how important being SELF AWARE is.

XOXO,

Ashley